Have you been described as being cold as ice or simply unapproachable? Those could be some of the signs that you are emotionally unavailable.
When was the last time you had a real emotional connection with your close friend or partner? If, like me you look blank at this question or can’t remember when you need to pause for a while and reflect. Life happens and it sometimes it does get to a point where you need the need to build a wall to protect yourself from being hurt, betrayed or disappointed by people. I have done a lot of honest conversations with myself and have noticed that to a higher degree I am emotionally unavailable. This is mainly because I cannot tolerate pain and heartache. I have dealt with hurtful people so much, growing up that I felt the only way to avoid emotional drama is to make myself emotionally unavailable. When I considered writing about this topic I considered signs that I relate to because I have heard people as close as my sister say that I am cold. That used to bother me until I watched my actions. Below are signs that I have ticked:
You are your own best friend: Literally. You don’t mind being in your own company and not hearing from your friends or even partner for a long time doesn’t bother you. You’d rather snuggle in your bed with your favourite movies than go out.
You easily cut people from your life: Whether its friends or family; if someone messes up or hurts you in some way you delete them from your life: permanently.
You find it hard to open up about your life: Have you ever felt speechless when someone asks you about yourself? You don’t know where to begin and always search for something you don’t mind them knowing about from your past to your fears or desires.
The thought of making new friends or starting a relationship daunts you: Letting people in your life seems like a nightmare and you’d rather play hide and seek rather than really getting to know someone. Sometimes you are blunt in showing no interest in some people.
You don’t know how to handle other people’s pain: You freeze when someone tells you about what they are going through. Seeing someone cry or hurt makes you look for the nearest door to run at rather than being in their presence.
You wear a ‘superman’ mask: You don’t like appearing weak and vulnerable because you fear someone taking advantage of that. You find it hard showing your emotions to people and always look blank in every situation.
I have learned that these signs are a defensive mechanism and mask to shield you from getting hurt because you are too vulnerable and letting someone past the wall you have built is scary.
Are you emotionally unavailable? Which signs do you relate to or are there other signs we haven’t included?