I had a very interesting conversation with one of my acquaintances the other day. She follows me on my social media platforms and likes and comments on my posts on being career and business driven. She said that although she was proud of me, she was concerned that I don’t have a man. I tried to look at her with a straight face while wondering how is it that in this day and age, many women feel complete when they are in relationships or have children. To be honest not every woman desires the same things and personally, after my previous relationships I didn’t have the courage to open up my heart to being hurt by the next guy. I have been single for more than a year and after picking up the broken pieces of my heart I can finally answer why I am really single. For a long time I was really scared of being alone. I have had issues with my self-esteem and couldn’t love myself because of my ‘flaws’. I guess I was desperate for validation that I was truly beautiful and wanted to be loved by someone else because I couldn’t love me.
In the process I attracted broken guys who I thought I could fix because I ran away from my internal issues. My first boyfriend was a serial cheat. In fact he was cheating on his wife with me. When I found out I walked away without looking back. It shattered me for the longest time because in my head, I thought what we had was real. The second guy was as cold as ice. He was distant and didn’t show the affection I badly wanted from him. He relocated somewhere else and I knew we were not going to work out because his presence made no difference in our relationship anyway, while we lived in close proximity. My last ex was so toxic that it drove me into depression. It took me a while to get over what I had been through while I was with him and believe me the emotions were so intense during that healing period.
All these guys had one thing in common: me. I knew deep down that I had to put myself first and deal with the issues I had that made me attract such guys. To be honest I don’t blame nor hate them because they were my biggest teachers that the only place where you will ever find true love is within yourself. I had to forgive myself for my past experiences and learn to fall in love with myself. How? By taking the time to look at myself in the mirror and start appreciation what God created. Had he wanted me to be a different shape or skin colour I would have been that way. I started spoiling myself rotten and did things that I really enjoy doing. Eating out solo has become a favourite thing as well. Each day I remind myself that I am worthy of great things and to be treated like the queen I am. Importantly, I have learned to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be bullied by anyone. It starts small, because what you allow always continues.
Regardless of the heartbreaks I still believe in love. I believe it’s the most beautiful gift you can give to yourself, and then to the next person. I love the space I am at right now; I am career driven that I love the energy I give off to things that are making me content and giving me a sense of purpose. Over the months, I have experienced that being single is fulfilling and I have never been at my happiest. That’s what is important to me right now. I am 27, an age where most of my peers even from high school are married. Life has more meaning and it’s beautiful when you don’t measure your worth based on what others have. I have learned that life is a journey, and not a marathon. If I was designed to be with someone I know the standards that I am not even prepared to settle for because it took me this far to get to this point in my life. With all the reported scourges that women have experienced at the hands of their partners I really don’t want to be a statistic. And neither should any woman be from this point onwards. I would rather be happily single than miserably committed to someone who’s committed to hurting me. It also took me a while, but I believe that good men do exist and I believe I am worthy of one who’s praying for the woman I am. Until then, I am enjoying my company while letting God bring him my way.
Are you single? How’s your experience as a single person? We’d love to hear in the comments below: