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How To Accept a Good Man After a Toxic Relationship


The scars that emotional abuse leaves are often painful, making it hard for one to be in other relationships. If a good man has been knocking at your heart’s door for a while, this is how you can accept true love again.

After hopping from one toxic relationship to another I honestly found it hard to believe that there are good men. It took a while for me to really deal with the experiences I subjected myself to in the past. Although I find myself nursing my heart after more than a year of walking away from my ex, the memories are quite sore.  One of my exes was a pathological liar who almost tricked me into a polygamous marriage, while another showed no affection and treated me like crap. I almost slipped into depression and found my self-esteem floored to the ground. It took me feeling tired of anger and sadness to end my previous relationship. I couldn’t allow someone to insult me and tell me I would commit suicide to be in my life. You know it’s bad when you find every woman around you as a threat to the happiness you wish to build with someone you love. I had to leave because I knew it was going to end- badly. So many months later I feel deep down in my heart that I am not ready to open myself up to someone else. I am so scared of attracting the wrong type because I am so exhausted of being with such men. And with the reports of how women die at the hands of their boyfriend it makes it even more discouraging. I am doing a lot of self-introspection and digging into the reasons I was drawn to such men. And I am working hard to build enough self esteem to break that cycle. I know there are good men. My best friend is proof. In fact he is the one who really helped out of that relationship. He protected my reputation and my life and restored what is left of my heart. I am grateful for him and I will always protect him as much as he protected me. So on days where I have the energy to, I speak a good man into existence and pray that God protects us. One day, when I am ready to be with him. I will take my friend’s advise of how to accept him.

Give him a fair chance: Past experiences have a big impact on how we relate to other people. Allow him to be good to you, without thinking he has ulterior motives. Also set clear boundaries on the kind of behaviour you won’t tolerate at all from the beginning and don’t base your current experiences on what you went through in the past.

Let him love you: If you are used to being disappointed, lied to, cheated on or wetting your pillowcase every night it feels abnormal when Mr right treats you right. But you must learn to accept that, like everyone else, you also deserve to be treated like the queen you are. Allow to experience, in human form, the divine love that God has for you.

Importantly, trust your gut feeling: Maybe you were manipulated into doubting your intuition before and labelled, clingy, crazy or paranoid. If you feel uneasy about something don’t be afraid to tell your partner. Healthy relationships are about open communication to build trust. If he knows there’s nothing you should worry about, he will assure you and not convince you that you are losing it.

Have you loved a good guy after a toxic relationship? How was that expereince for you?

Nathasha Thahane,

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