One is expected to grief and then heal over the break up of their partner, but how do you deal with your friend breaking up with you?
I didn’t know that losing a friend could be so devastating. I just knew the pain of breaking up with romantic partners, but I didn’t know it could match having to move on from losing a friend. I had a good friend who I held in high regard. She was always there for me and I considered her my older sister. I appreciate the times we’d spend together because we didn’t meet often. I really looked up to her because she was ambitious and well connected in her field of work. As a career-driven woman I really aspired to be like her. So whenever I called her or asked for career or relationship advice she was always there to listen to me. But things changed when I got my dream job. Not that I didn’t make time for her but I was getting on my feet trying to excel at what I did and matched the job title I had. So I was devastated when I received that long, dreaded (and really shocking) message from her. In addition to the hurtful things she mentioned she stated that I wasn’t a true friend because I wasn’t there for her like she was when I needed her. To make matters worse, she blocked me from her call list and social media platforms so I didn’t get the chance to respond to her. It’s been three months since the break up, and the pain is as raw today as it was that day. But I guess there are lessons I learned from this experience:
- Don’t assume: just because you know you love and appreciate your friends don’t make the mistake of not showing them how much they mean to you. A simple text or catching up over dinner makes all the difference.
- Make time: being business or career driven is time consuming. Then you have family and community responsibilities and studies to attend to. If you can, make time to answer their call or respond to their messages. If not simply return the call in the evening.
- Communicate your boundaries: Know what both of you expect from your friendship and what boundaries you need your friend to respect. You are not their doormat; your friendship should be beneficial for the both of you.
- Accept their decision and move on: this applies to every area of your life, never force yourself on anything or anyone. Love your friend enough to give them the freedom of choice. If they choose to not be a part of your life any longer, let them go and move on. It’s not easy for me to do that now, but I take everyday as it comes and I know I will heal and move on. Someday.
Have you ever broken up with a friend or losing a friend? Did you make up or have you moved on?