Relationships are complex and depending on the relationship, having a platonic friendship with an ex is just as unlikely for many people. So what does it take to remain friends with someone you once dated?
Most of us have heard the classically overly used line, ‘Let’s be friends.’ Personally, I found it confusing on what in the world would make any of my exes think I would genuinely be friends with them. But I thought they were just using those lines to ensure the break up was not messy. It wouldn’t have been though because I don’t know how to cling on to something I see is clearly not meant for me. All these years I have been lucky to lose touch with my exes so I never had to deal with a situation where I debated remaining friends with them. Until recently. I didn’t know how hard it would be facing my ex constantly. Maybe, just maybe if the relationship wasn’t toxic facing him wouldn’t bring all the memories I badly wanted to bury. It was my first experience having to heal with an ex being constantly in my face. But for my sake, I had to let go and free myself from any emotional baggage and be civil with him. And would I consider to be his friend? Nah.
The issue of whether you can become friends with your ex has no standard formula but you have to analyse the real intention of wanting to keep contact and being friends with your ex. Though friendship can have different meanings for everyone, their common foundation is loyalty and trust. And if you feel your ex has those qualities, why did you break up in the first place? But that is a decision only you can make.
Below are things to consider if you are thinking of befriending your ex:
Did you get closure and have you healed? Some relationships are not meant to be last, and that is okay. If anything they are meant to teach you about your worth and what you are not prepared to settle for. If the break up is heated try to cut all means of communication with them for a couple of months and cool off. If both of you still need closure in order to move on, get the conversation going. That should help you determine whether you want to continue any contact with them or not.
What is your intention? You have to be honest with yourself about why you still want to keep in contact with your ex. Are you really over them and would you really be happy for them if they moved on? You need to decide if both your intentions for being friends are sincere.
How was the relationship? If the relationship was abusive and draining, why would you still want someone like that to call you their friend?
Would you consider being friends with your ex, why or why not?
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